If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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