i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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