i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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