I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Text me some of your sweat
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