Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
