would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
