Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
