Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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