there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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