My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
