We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
