if only i could text you this smell
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
