What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
