the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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