Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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