youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
