I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
