She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
