You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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