dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
