They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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