Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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