During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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