woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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