i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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