Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want her autograph on my taint
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
