there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize