it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
