Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
