You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
