i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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