Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
