when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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