You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
