JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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