the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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