When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
