Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
