she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
