when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
