you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
