Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
