moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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