forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
