I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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