Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They took my balls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
