do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
