david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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