I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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