38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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