so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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