I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
