so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
