thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
