her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.