It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
