Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
