dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house