Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
