bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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