It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
