don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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