I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
