This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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