she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
