Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
