but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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